The Break-Up

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I could overhear almost everyone talking about this new guy in our locality…  He seemed to be the trending topic in my small world… As days passed, I was getting intrigued by his unassuming yet overgrowing presence in my social circle. Everyone had great things to say about him… Succumbing to peer pressure, I put up a farce about being acquainted with him. I still don’t know what prompted me to do that, especially when I was in an extremely steady relationship…

It might have been the monotony, the lack of excitement in my relationship or just plain and simple inquisitiveness… I just had to acquaint myself with this guy… For real… I had to see for myself if he was worth all the hype…

In the following week, though it required a lot of cajoling and threatening of my conscience, I forced myself to ensure that a meeting with the guy would be possible.

On the D-day, in front of the designated meeting spot, I looked at myself in the glass door and pushed it to enter into a phase that started a new journey.

The Guy was held up nearby and he asked me in an extremely melting voice, if I could wait for a few minutes. I nodded a bit too excessively and I eased myself into this new set-up. As the wait grew longer, I couldn’t help reminiscing about my relationship.

A long and tumultuous relationship.

Our relationship was about a decade and a half years old. Though I don’t exactly remember the date, I vividly recollect the first time I met him.

There was this hauntingly romantic song running in the background and he was all smiles. I was very young and naive. I still hadn’t quite understood what I wanted with life or anything for that matter. Meeting him drove some purpose into my existence. Over the course of time, getting to know each other made me know my footing, wishes, desires, limits and even my very own style statement. He knew what was best for me and I trusted his judgement implicitly… most of the times…

 

He was very popular in our neighbourhood (I do have a type na…) My friends constantly chided me for being so blindly in love with him… They tried dissuading me by telling me stories about how he behaved similarly with many others. I refused to believe their words… I refused it for 15 long years…

 

Yes, it was a complicated relationship. We hardly spoke. Our conversations were much more in the mind. Our monthly meetings became some sort of a ritual and if I ran out of patience, it was twice a month…

 

Everytime we met, I felt rejuvenated and at the end of our meet, I thought I’d reinvented myself. The initial awkwardness between us gradually blossomed into a bonding that had its roots in love and trust. He understood my whims, fancies, nuances and I felt an exalted sense of safety in his hands.

 

I grew up amongst a barrage of accusations that though our relationship was necessary, my fixation seemed unhealthy as the years passed.  My relationship with him, appeared to my peers as a purely physical relationship but I was aware of the intricacies of our emotional connect. Along the years, I did grudgingly realise that his loyalty was wavering, but I was blinded by my unflinching loyalty and love.

 

How could I not be so???

Everytime he touched me, I felt born again. He made me happy in ways that I couldn’t describe and he did it with amazing consistency. The emotions that we shared were polarising… It was either an extreme happiness or complete gut wrenching sadness…

In one end of the spectrum, he ensured that I was in the best of spirits and health by his constant care and affection. He exuded warmth everytime he came close and I couldn’t resist the surge of happiness whenever his fingers caressed me… it was an unsurpassed joy most of the times… During times when I fell sick, he took it upon him to nurse me back to health. He did everything from giving me the required medicines to even cleaning and washing me. He was there constantly monitoring my improvement…

How could I not be smitten by him???

 

In the other end of the spectrum, we had some of the worst times too, especially when we disagreed or argued.. My blind trust in his decisions with respect to my life had its disadvantages too… Sometimes he had his off days and his decisions backfired badly. I was at the receiving end of his busted ideas. I had to bear the brunt of it all… I’d have shed quite a few tears everytime his error in judgement cut me into pieces… But I couldn’t do it… How much ever I tried, crying my heart out to him seemed impossible and I slowly got used to his actions destroying me. Inch by Inch. . . 

 

The unforgivable part was that I eventually went back to him after sulking in a corner for some time. I called this process, “a waste of time” while he called it ‘growing’. As usual he did work his magic on me and made me feel confident and radiant more than ever…  But over the years, the disagreements and disasters which were a rare occurrence became a bit more frequent… I was patient through it all. Never spoke a word against his decisions. I was a doormat and even though I was fully aware of it, did nothing about it…

I knew our relationship had run its course… In my mind I knew that we were done. I was ridden with guilt and felt that though what I was doing felt logical, it most certainly wasn’t ethical…

 

I couldn’t tell him about my meeting with the Guy. I couldn’t muster courage to go to him one last time. In my mind I knew that I wouldn’t be seeing him anymore… But I never could go and confront him about the same. I knew that he would be perplexed and might even wait for me to come back. I understood that my behaviour was inexcusable and history would term me as someone who didn’t have the guts to atleast give him the necessary closure… But I knew that I had to do it for my own happiness and at that juncture of my life, my happiness seemed more important and deserving.

 

Well… I was fully aware that my decision was a huge risk. It had all the markings of a blockbuster fiasco. It would have been easier if I had a fall back option. But I knew that for the jump to be successful and true, I shouldn’t have that safety net. The break-up was inevitable…

It was time to move on… “

     

 

The Guy came close and broke me from my reverie with an announcement coming from that lilting and soothing voice


“Hello and welcome to Toni and Guy…. Let’s make you a star”

 

 

An excerpt from the book titled – “An Autobiography of a HAIR”

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4 thoughts on “The Break-Up

  1. Pingback: The Break Up II – The Other Woman – The Wannabe Writer

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