A cloudy Sunday morning. A wonderful time to feel one with nature and understand the deeper meanings of life.
I went to the only place that gives me all this and much more. Facebook
I was sipping on my cup of coffee and staring at the computer screen. I scrolled down on the various achievements of my friends, ranging from doing their masters in Trump Land and somewhere in Europe to ones celebrating the one month anniversary of their engagement to someone who was a stranger a month earlier.
I decided to do something laudable too. It had been quite sometime since I actively posted anything about issues grappling the city, the nation and the world. It was time to put the money being spent on the course in Journalism to good use.
I put my thinking hat on and adjusted my glasses and typed the words – “Hillarious Drump…” when I heard the most booming, impressive baritone ever heard by mankind. All it said was, “You are in India, in Tamil Nadu, in Chennai… if you say something on the US Presidency, they’ll ridicule you for not posting anything about the Corporation elections due in your city.”
Me (M): Shit. You are right. Well then, “Chennai goes for its local body elections…”
The Voice (TV) : Why are you restricting yourself to local issues. Your friends are across the nation. You can do much more impact talking about national issues.
M: Right. “ The Nation wants to know what happened at Uri”
T V : Do Not Insult The Voice Of The Nation. You don’t want to do that especially when you are not even making baby steps in the field of journalism.
M: Hmmm… “What actually happened at Uri”
T V: “How can you insinuate anything about the Armed Forces. Are you that insensitive, in other words, “ANTI-NATIONAL”
M : Of course not, Jai Hind. . . “How could Una even happen??”
T V : Nope. They’ll blame you for exhibiting fake sympathy because you’d never understand the actual pain…
M : But… I don’t support what happened. “Una was a shame to the …”
T V: Nope. You are in a position of entitlement. They will turn the tables on you. They will call you names. Can you take that level of trolling?? Are you man enough to face their wrath?
M : “Reservation cannot and should not be aboli…”
T V : Wait… Didn’t you hear a word that I said a few seconds earlier. How could you not listen to such a voice. People equate it to Amitabh Bachchan.
M : oh yeah Amitabh . . . “Well… Pink is hogwash”
T V : So are you saying No means Yes??
M : No, but the movie isn’t that impactful
T V : No one cares. Don’t say anything against this movie. No means No
M : “Dhoni’s biopic is more of a boost to the image and not a exposition of the truth”
T V : Aren’t you a Dada fan??? imagine this to be a well-directed bouncer… Duck
M : “Caste system still exists in the urban areas. I have been discriminated by people from the upper . . .”
T V : Do you want friends or do you want to die alone???
M : “Women Empowerment . . .”
T V : You don’t want to be equated with him . . . Trust me on this one.
M : “ISIS is …”
T V : Isn’t this an easy way out??? Tell something that they don’t know.
M : “One cannot be forced to have a beef with beef”
T V : Don’t think you have it easy because you are in Chennai. . . You might go outside Tamil Nadu and someone might look at your posts. Why the risk? You still have your curd rice no?
M: “Terrorism has no religion.”
T V : Nope. Too generic. Many say it just for the sake of saying it. You don’t want to be in that club.
M : “Salman Khan is. . .”
T V : Don’t you still have to walk on the roads??Duh!!
M : “The Oppressors can’t suddenly side with the oppressed for their benefit”
T V : Why da?? Refer to previous advice about entitlement and going against their system.
M : “The curfew in Kash…”
T V : Have you been there??? No… Then don’t write about what you don’t know. You are just an overgrown kid with sensitivity issues. You are not ready for the keyboard warriors waiting for you.
M : “We need more food and water than toilets.”
T V : Dood, You never learn from other’s mistakes do you?? Do you really want to leave the city that has cinema tickets for Rs 120 and go to a neighbouring country where Tamil movies might not run??
M : So what the hell should I write???
T V : That I don’t know. I don’t know what should be done. I don’t have a solution. But I know the things that will be a problem. I will help you to be National, Sympathetic, Secular, Liberal, Non-Bhakt, Non-AAPTard, non-intelligent, non-important and most importantly Invisible. You will be spared by them…
M : Who is this they or them ???
T V : You know.
M : So… “When will we know what is really ailing Am..”
M : Hello… You there??? Hello…. Hello…